[ For his part, his breathing feels constricted, and it feels like his heart is pounding so hard, he doesn't know how she isn't hearing it. He closes his eyes when she takes his face in her hands, and he marvels again about the impossibility of this entire situation. It shouldn't be possible, but there's no ignoring the evidence that's right in front of him. She's real, he's real, and they're together.
There's yet another stab of guilt as his thoughts turn towards their kids, wondering what's happening to them if they're both here. But he hopes that if the theories about alternate realities hold true, then back at home, they're all together and in one piece.
And she's right to be scared; when it comes to gods, monsters, and magic, Clint really can't hope to stack up against them. He knows he doesn't give Laura nearly enough credit for agreeing to be with him while he goes toe-to-toe with such dangerous enemies. It's not for the faint of heart, but she's stuck with him, and that makes him love her more.
But then he shakes his head, not because it wasn't horrible, but because between the two of them, what she went through must have been worse. ]
It must have been horrible for you, too.
[ It's not fair that she and the kids died. It's not at all what he would have ever wanted for them, even if it was entirely out of his control. When she doesn't apologize, he does instead. ]
I'm sorry it happened, and that it took so long to fix it.
[ And beyond that, he's sorry that he tried to die too. The only reason he didn't is because someone every bit as dear to him died in his place. That's another thing he's not certain how to address.
It makes him feel unworthy of her, because he's keeping secrets from her, something he said he'd never do. Of course, there's some classified secrets that he's not at liberty to tell, but the only thing keeping him from telling the truth is his own guilt. Oh, he means to tell her everything in time, but for right now, he can't find a way to put them into words. And in his mind, that just makes him the worst sort of liar and a terrible husband.
He forces himself to look a little less haggard and haunted, putting on his best attempt at a genuine smile just for her benefit as he responds: ]
How hard can it be? You take care of our kids, most of the time by yourself.
[ Something else he feels guilty about. ]
This should be simple in comparison.
[ And she'll have him around too, which he hopes will count for something. ]
no subject
There's yet another stab of guilt as his thoughts turn towards their kids, wondering what's happening to them if they're both here. But he hopes that if the theories about alternate realities hold true, then back at home, they're all together and in one piece.
And she's right to be scared; when it comes to gods, monsters, and magic, Clint really can't hope to stack up against them. He knows he doesn't give Laura nearly enough credit for agreeing to be with him while he goes toe-to-toe with such dangerous enemies. It's not for the faint of heart, but she's stuck with him, and that makes him love her more.
But then he shakes his head, not because it wasn't horrible, but because between the two of them, what she went through must have been worse. ]
It must have been horrible for you, too.
[ It's not fair that she and the kids died. It's not at all what he would have ever wanted for them, even if it was entirely out of his control. When she doesn't apologize, he does instead. ]
I'm sorry it happened, and that it took so long to fix it.
[ And beyond that, he's sorry that he tried to die too. The only reason he didn't is because someone every bit as dear to him died in his place. That's another thing he's not certain how to address.
It makes him feel unworthy of her, because he's keeping secrets from her, something he said he'd never do. Of course, there's some classified secrets that he's not at liberty to tell, but the only thing keeping him from telling the truth is his own guilt. Oh, he means to tell her everything in time, but for right now, he can't find a way to put them into words. And in his mind, that just makes him the worst sort of liar and a terrible husband.
He forces himself to look a little less haggard and haunted, putting on his best attempt at a genuine smile just for her benefit as he responds: ]
How hard can it be? You take care of our kids, most of the time by yourself.
[ Something else he feels guilty about. ]
This should be simple in comparison.
[ And she'll have him around too, which he hopes will count for something. ]